Why I changed my title.

This graphic is very suddenly
out of date.

Hello everyone! It's been a while since I last posted, so I thought I'd pop in and let you all know what's been going on. The last couple of months have been a strange mix of waiting impatiently on other people, then furiously working for hours and hours to finish editing my latest book. Looking back, I can't decide if I should classify the months as productive or a general waste of time. Let's go with productive, since the book is finally being queried.

So, yay! After more than a year since the first word was typed, THE SOMETIMES SWORD is finally on submissions to agents. Kind of. See, it's now called THE WITCKE IN THE RUINS. Let me explain: when the book first started, the main idea was that of a young boy with a magical sword saving the day. Yeah, that's the archetype I chose to go with. The sword in question liked to disappear at the worst possible times due to an unfortunate mix of spellbinds that had been placed upon it not playing well together. However, the book has been rewritten 3 times now, altering not only the main character (adding in a female protagonist as the main POV), but also changing the nature and importance of the sword.

The sword is now a very small aspect of the book, serving only as yet another plot device to frustrate the characters by disappearing at inopportune times, hardly pivotal to the plot. Because the title was THE SOMETIMES SWORD, the current version of the book was a little confusing, as I didn't really explain much about the sword, or why it disappeared (it's now simply an experimental sword that wasn't ready for real world use yet). My beta readers kept repeating that they couldn't understand why the sword was even in the story to begin with (this was very frustrating for me, as I didn't want the sword to be important anymore, and hated the thought of making it once more a large part of the story).

After a bit of thinking, I decided that rather than expanding the sword's importance, I would simply change the title of the book, thereby changing the reader's expectations, and voila! The sword now fit in its current role, no changes needed.

But that brought a new challenge. What should I title the book after a year of calling it something else? I won't go through the whole process (I had five or six options and talked to a lot of people about them), but I eventually landed on THE WITCHER IN THE RUINS, seeing as my magic users are called witchers, and one of them happens to be in some ruins at one point. It worked, and I liked the tone the new title gave.

BUT. *record scratch*

The term "witcher" is apparently associated quite strongly with a series of books/videogames by the same name. I'd never heard of it before, but it just goes to show that the best laid plans of mice and men, and all that. After talking with a few people in the industry, I decided I'd need to change the name of my magic users and my title. Now, I already have made-up names for other familiar creatures specific to the world (such as canavar, bloedrech, etc), so it wasn't a stretch to simply alter the idea of a witch-like person into a new word. I came up with "witcke" (pronounced wit-key) with the plural of "witckas" (similar to Wicca, which works on a lot of levels). It was close enough to evoke some of the same associations as "witch", but different enough to catch the eye a little bit. Hence the new title of THE WITCKE IN THE RUINS was born.

I'll post again about the querying process here soon.

MY NAME IS STEVE: A short Minecraft story for the curious.

MY NAME IS STEVE

Don't ask me what I'm doing here, because I don't know. One day, I woke up in the middle of a forest, covered in snow, devoid of all memory and sense of identity. Why? I have no clue. It almost doesn't matter.

I spent the first couple of hours calling for help, wandering around, hoping I'd find someone nearby. After a while, I came to the reluctant conclusion that I was well and truly isolated: no sound of human voices, no hum of tires on distant roadways; nothing but the trill of far off birds and rustling branches in the wind. There might have been a cow nearby from all the mooing, but I couldn't find it.

I might not have known who I am, or why I woke up in this snowy forest, but that didn't mean I was going to sit down and let depression take me along with the wolves. I needed a plan of action, needed to find a way to survive! But first, a man needs to know himself before he can trust himself, and because my old name was lost to my departed memory, I have decided to call myself Steve.

It's a good name.

Trying to manage time.

I think I may be overestimating how much time I have in a day. That, or I'm foolishly hoping I'll gain some hither-to-undiscovered sense of self control. Right now, I'm engaged in the following: a part time job, part time novel writing, playing Minecraft with my buddy, and now I've also re-subscribed to World of Warcraft (eep). Plus, I've just started watching Downton Abbey season 2, started working on puzzles with Becky, begun reading Double Dead: Bad Blood by Chuck Wendig, and tried out the whole steampunk cosplay accessory thing (which you can read about here).

Ah, Minecraft, you are the Legos for my adult heart.

I've never been very good at managing my time and prioritizing. I usually end up playing World of Warcraft for hours because it's easy on the brain, which makes me depressed because I'm ignoring my writing, which then leads to more World of Warcraft (it's sort of like chocolate cake).

Curse you World of Warcraft!

But not this time! I've set up parental controls (yes, you read that right) on World of Warcraft, essentially banning myself from playing during my writing hours. Becky has the secret password, which I hope she keeps, well... secret. If I can just keep each activity within its normal hours I should be fine, though it feels like trying to police the border between North and South Korea. Sometimes I just gotta say, "Look Minecraft, you had your 45 minutes, now its Downton Abbey's turn. No, stop crying! Ack! World of Warcraft, put that down before you break it!"

Anyway, I realize that having so many enjoyable hobbies (and an enjoyable future career in writing *crosses fingers*) is probably one of the best problems a person can have, so I won't complain except to say I wish I was born with a bigger and more responsible brain.

So that's what I'm up to right now. What are your vices?

A quick update.

I've been really busy lately, which is a good thing. Sometimes I think back to two years ago when I worked full time and didn't go to college; and I wonder what I did with my time. True, that job was incredibly stressful and I usually worked over time (almost 60 hours a week around the holidays), but other than that, I didn't have much else to do. I'll admit to spending hours and hours playing World of Warcraft, mostly just to unwind after work.

Now however, I work a (relatively) low stress part time job (if my boss can keep the company afloat that is), attend school part time, and write. It's a pretty nice set up, and I know I'm lucky to have it. I was able to finish my rewrite of The Sometimes Sword just a couple of weeks ago, and it's currently in the hands of my beta readers. In a month or so I'll be starting up my web comic Kestrel with my brother Travis, and as of this last Monday, I've officially started my fourth novel. My brain is swimming in fiction and it's awesome!

It seems as time goes on I find myself wanting to write for younger and younger audiences. And I'm cool with that. I know it won't always be that way (I like to write violence and dark stuff too much to never return to adult fiction), but for now it's what's floating my boat. Here's how it goes: my first book ever was written for adults; the second, for the older end of YA; the third (which was a rewrite of the second) lowered that age by two years; and now I have this new book, written most likely for kids ages ten and up. Perhaps I'm just regressing, losing some of my ability to write mature material. Who knows.

Anyway, it's my first attempt at a diverse fantasy, and I'm really excited about it. It's about a young girl living in a smallish town in late 1996 (heck yeah, I'm way excited for a period piece). One day, another girl moves in down the street, and she just so happens to be a real, self taught witch, complete with pointed hat and striped stockings. They get into shenanigans and a mystery unfolds. Should be fun.

So that's what I'm doing so far! What about you?

Writing Is Uncertainty.

DISCLAIMER: I am not half as depressed as this makes me sound. Just keep that in mind.

I've been thinking lately about how I compare to other writers out there. I can't help but feel like I'm somehow different, broken, wrong. I always hear authors talk about how they doubted themselves back when they were writing their first five novels, but learned to get past it for the manuscript's sake. Kinda like a paralyzed dude triumphantly standing up from his wheelchair at the end of an inspirational movie. But then they leave it at that.

Well, I'm sorry to say, I'm not satisfied with that. I feel like I need to know more. I need to know if their pain (wow that's dramatic) is anything like mine, if their doubt is as soul-consuming. Do they struggle to understand their own writing's worth, like me? I'd like to someday see one of the authors I respect write about their issues, to really see if I'm so different and destined for failure.

Who knows if I'll ever get that wish. I guess they have a reputation to maintain, and such things would hurt it. Well, I don't have a reputation, so for what it's worth, here's my little list of things that I struggle with. If anything resonates with you, or you feel the same way, let me know, please.

I have no idea if I can write worth a crap.

When I write, the sentences often make me cringe.

I often hate my own imagination.

There are times when I look back at my day's writing, and feel a pit form in my stomach; I know I'll have to throw it all away.

I don't know who my characters are. I just hope to god someone else will. We talk all the time about building a strong personality with flaws and quirks, but at the end of the day, it means nothing to my brain.

As far as my own plot goes, it's all over my head, no matter how much I outline. I fly by the seat of my pants, praying I'll end up somewhere safe.

The concept of pacing completely eludes me.

I have no idea if my book is even the slightest bit original.

I don't know if my potential readers will get even the smallest bit of excitement from my action scenes.

When I try to write emotions, I feel they come off as corny and contrived.

When I post about writing, I feel like everyone is laughing at me. "Look at that idiot, he thinks he's an author!"

I don't know a damn about making people laugh.

I will never be a part of the "published author" community.

I don't have what it takes to get an agent or editor to like my books.

No one will ever want to read what I write.

Only spambots visit my blog.

When I look at all the people around me selling books, I know I'll never be as good as them. There are thousands of people writing, right now. I have no chance.

I'm wasting my life, doing this whole writing thing.

Everyone will lie to me when they read my book, tell me it's good. They most likely never read all the way through it.

I often feel like my family, of all people, care less than the strangers.

It's easy to end this by telling all of you to not let these things get you down. To keep going, and all that. I wish I could tell myself the same, and believe it. I won't stop writing any time soon, but I shudder to think that it will always be this way. Am I ready for a life of uncertainty?

Sprucing up a character.

I'm doing this right now. Hopefully some of my ramblings will make sense, possibly even be helpful if you're having the same problems as me. As most of you know, I'm in the middle of a second version of my book The Sometimes Sword. One of the main things I wanted to do this time around was inject more personality into everyone. I feel like so far I've been doing well. Most every aspect is a hundred times better than the first version: plot, descriptions, character voice, action, creepiness, etc. I can do even better though. I'm about halfway through with 61k words complete, but before I go any further, I want to go through and spruce up my main character Astrid.

She's always been the weak link. I've always been so focused on making her likable and relate-able. As I've been reading other books lately, I've been struck by how directly related character personality is linked to their foibles. They walk hand in hand. Therefore, it stands to reason that if Astrid lacks the proper amount of flaws, she also lacks an equal amount of personality. So I'm taking her back to the drawing board, re-evaluating her, and adding in some crap. We'll see how it goes.

Non-Fiction: A Study of Five Pieces of Art and Their Periods.

Baroque
The Calling of St. Matthew was painted from 1599 to 1600 by an artist known as Caravaggio, and was the piece that won him lasting fame. I chose this work because the dramatic lighting and easily identifiable emotions on the subjects’ faces are common qualities of the Baroque style. It highlights several new techniques and ideas of the times, and endures as an impressive work, even today. The figure of Christ is placed on the edge of the painting, only his head and upraised arm visible, emerging from deep shadows. This positioning is directly contrary to the Renaissance practice of placing the most important figure in the center of a work. A robed man stands next to Christ, possibly a disciple or apostle. A group of well-dressed money-lenders sit at a table counting coins and poring over ledgers, two of which fail to see Christ’s arrival. St. Matthew is one of these, his head bowed as his hands greedily separate gold coins. One of the lenders points to himself wonderingly, mistaking Christ’s pointed finger as intended for him. A dynamism to the figures’ arrangement and form speaks of the tension of the event, with the lenders looking on in confusion at the solemn face of Christ. Warm light spills from a high window, casting complicated shadows from limbs and folds of clothing. The palette is narrow, mostly earthy browns and yellows, but saturated reds and even greens can be seen.

While difficult to assign a specific set of characteristics to, the Baroque period certainly saw painters emphasizing realistic depictions of un-realistic subjects in everyday situations. For example, Caravaggio took this well-known scene from the Bible and placed the fantastic event (Christ calling a sinner from his greed to join Him in his ministry) into a very human and naturalistic setting. His subjects are relatable, not idealized, shown in believable positions, not contrived postures. The pronounced chiaroscuro (called tenebrism) of the lighting and darkened background, painstakingly rendered through real-world observation in his studio, was a stylistic breakthrough and influenced many artists of the Baroque period and later. It brought a new level of three-dimensionality and a theatrical quality to art.

This scene is more than just a depiction of a biblical story. It also serves as an allegorical warning. By placing the figures in contemporary clothing (of the time), Caravaggio gives the viewer pause, perhaps in an attempt to spark a thoughtful and emotional reaction in them. The meaning is clear: we are all sinners and slaves to greed. Only Christ can save us, if we but listen to his call.

The Calling of St. Matthew brought a new standard to painting, challenging artists to observe and recreate the reality of the natural world. Its subjects, blemishes and all, brought art closer to the common people, inviting everyone to benefit from its message, not just the aristocracy. This humanization of biblical figures was no doubt an instrumental influence on the later works of Realists, beginning a tradition that eventually led to the Impressionist movement and the popularity of candid photography.

Neo-Classic
Parnassus was painted in 1761, a work by Anton Raphael Mengs. I chose this piece because of its solid embodiment of the Neo-Classical ideals of simplicity, harmony, and order. The clothing stays firmly within the expected Neo-Classical palette of primary colors, and the figures within the careful framing pose with decorum, formed with severe idealism. The clear connection to the tenants of the Neo-Classical movement is thorough and plain.

The scene depicts Apollo (the god of music, intellectual inquiry, and poetry) surrounded by muses. He stands as a vitruvian nude, save for a drape across his shoulders. A wreath of laurels crown his head and another is clutched in his formally upraised hand, perhaps intended as a gift. A lyre rests on his hip, calling to mind his role of dominion over music. The muses surrounding him are arrayed in colorful clothing from antiquity, dancing, composing music (or poetry), and posing with elements of the theatre. Aspects of Classical architecture are evident in the fluting of the small corinthian column and Apollo’s sandals. The collection of figures calls to mind a sculptural frieze, with little attempt at creating a sense of depth or three-dimensionality. Little to no ornamentation shows the Neo-Classic reaction to the gaudiness of the Rococo, and the calm, almost sedated expressions of the subjects defy the emotionalism of the Baroque.

The laurel leaves symbolize accomplishment, and combined with the elements of dance, performance, and music, is meant to convey worldly achievements in the arts. The message is nearly didactic in its overt depiction of excellence, championing the merits of the Classical era and adherence to tradition (the use of Classical orders and ornamentation in art and architecture), suggesting that the viewer also, should claim such virtues as honor and restraint.

Paintings such as Parnassus contributed much to the growth of Neo-Classicism, influencing later works that in turn brought a renewed interest in the ideals, or virtues, of the classical past. With its noble air and simple execution, Parnassus helped bring about the development of many new styles, some complimentary, others in direct opposition to Neo-Classicism.

Romanticism

Romanticism was a direct reaction to the values of Neo-Classicism, replacing didactic pieces featuring reason, primary colors, and statuesque figures with the strange and fanciful, portraying feeling and imagination. Johann Henry Füseli embraced this rebellion when he painted The Nightmare in 1781. The subject of this painting is that of dreams, specifically nightmares. It gives an fantastical portrayal, going so far as to show the dreamer within the composition, side-by-side the ghouls she dreams of. A young woman lays draped upon a bed, her upper torso and arms falling over the side, long tresses of wavy hair cascading toward the ground. She is dressed in clothing reminiscent of the Classical past: a simple but well-made garment of filmy white material. The contours of her body show through sensuously, revealing an idealized form not unlike those within Neo-Classical pieces. A nightstand plays host to several jars and perfume bottles, while the carved wood and gold-trimmed tassels speak of wealth. Her face might be that of a former lover from Füseli’s own life.

Upon the dreamer’s stomach perches a sinister incubus, caught in the motion of turning to face the viewer, his bulging, darkened eyes piercing through the surface of the painting. Thick limbs and stocky legs give it a sense of immense weight, as do the shadows cast across the majority of its body, pinning the woman to her bed. This could well be a reference to the sensation many report feeling while experiencing nightmares: being unable to move despite the clawing desperation of fear. It is said that the incubus’s grim face bears a resemblance to Füseli himself, a fact that if true, casts the portrayal of a former lover as the dreamer in a new, disturbing light. In the background, the night mare pushes its head through the thick red drapes, nostrils flared, teeth jutting, and eyes rolling wildly.

The prominent shadows, reminiscent of tenebrism, dictate the use of copious blacks, highlighted dramatically by light source from beyond the frame that makes the pure white of the dreamer’s gown glow. Deep red drapes and blankets add color, as do the browns of the incubus’s corrupted skin. Paint is applied with less attention to detail than previous works; the lack of defined outlines representing rather than describing details.

The fantasy with which this supernatural piece is painted, along with the dark elements of fear and the indiscernible madness of the horse draw the viewer in, eliciting an emotional response, a primary goal of Romantic art. The beauty of the dreamer’s form and the grotesque features of the incubus are shoved side-by-side, displaying a juxtaposition that was thought to lead to the Sublime, a state of great admiration and awe.

Romanticism isn’t one particular style, or even collection of styles. It is an approach that attempts to find truth in intense emotions and experiences, be they exquisite or ghastly. The Nightmare contains elements of both, though the painting as a whole leans to the disturbing. The meaning of the work is ambiguous, though some conclusions can be drawn: the inclusion of recognizable features from the artist’s own life can be interpreted as a venting of negative feelings after being shunned. Even so, the meaning of the piece remains subjective rather than reasonable and easily interpreted, another tenant of Romanticism.

Impressionism

Claude Monet’s Impression: Soleil Levant (Sunrise) was the first true Impressionistic painting, created in 1873. It was painted as one of many works intended for exhibit outside of the accepted Salon system in order to rebel against the Académie. Thirty oft-rejected artists sought to engage the art viewing public directly, bypassing the critics. The reviews of the resulting works were generally positive, but one man named Louis Leroy, dubbed Monet’s contribution scathingly as impressionistic because of its obvious brushstrokes and unfinished look, not knowing that the term would stick, and eventually come to represent an entire art movement (Stokstad et al 984). It was this rebellion against the Salon system that brought about the modern art age. Monet uses colors exclusively to represent the scene. A small boat drifts in a harbor, the two men inside mere silhouettes against the rising sun. In the background to the right a group of masted ships ride at anchor, their bulk barely visible as a collection of vertical and diagonal lines of color. To the other side we see the tall smoke stacks of industry, plumes of smoke hovering in the air, partially obscuring the sun. This scene would have been absolutely common in his time, making this a modern-life painting.

Monet uses pure pigments in this work, with little mixing of paints, instead relying on the science of optics and color theory to create the proper hues. Blues, purples, oranges, and yellows are all applied with care and purpose. The palette lacks any blacks, whites, or grays, utilizing varying saturation of pigments to represent light and shadow. Brushstrokes themselves also play a role in the forming of shapes, using differently sized swathes of color to create a “feeling” of the objects, as opposed to plainly describing them.

One of the main components of Impressionism is realism, in that objects and people are represented as they are, true to life. Many artists, such as Monet, employed the practice of plein-aire painting (open air paintings, where the subject is directly observed). Because of this, casual subjects such as the harbor in Impression: Sunrise became popular, in part from the growing popularity of photography, a relatively candid art form. The realist ideas of the Impressionism movement eliminated symbolism and iconography within paintings, instead focusing on communication of moments-in-time to a viewer. The depiction of casual events led to the idea of “art for art’s sake”, the thought that making art is its own motivation, without any extrinsic need for symbols or religious meaning. Impression: Sunrise wasn’t the first work to feature objects suggested with paint (not explicitly depicted), and it wasn’t the last. However, it does hold a place in history as the painting that sparked a new era of art, leading into modern day. Monet’s work directly influenced the styles of Modern painters like Henri Matisse with their focus on color and shape, not line. Impression: Sunrise is still greatly admired for its simplicity of detail and complexity of artistic composition.

Mannerism

The Triumph of Death is a work by Pieter Bruegal the Elder, completed in 1562. I chose it because of its clear separation from the naturalism and idealism of the High Renaissance. Unnatural color tints, elongated proportions, and a high emotional content all make this piece a prime subject for study as a Northern Mannerist piece. The Triumph of Death was an unusual painting in its time, and can still illicit a fair amount of unease from viewers today.

Death is the focus of this scene, both allegorically and literally. The terror of sickness and plague was not far from anyone’s thoughts in this era, and brought such devastation that towns and cities were wiped out in less than a year. This fear and despair is depicted here with gruesome detail. Hundreds of figures fill the frame, some mortals, others the harbingers of death. Skeletons, withered corpses, and grotesques cavort in black delight as they wantonly slaughter men and women alike for sport. The carnage is complete and nearly pornographic in the amount of delight it takes from itself.

Everywhere horrors abound: gaping wounds pour blood, naked men are netted like fish and herded into the depths of hell, and bodies are spitted by spikes. Men are tossed into a pool with millstones tied to their necks while the grim parody of a fanfare is played by the bodies of the dead dressed in the robes of the church. All around lies the sickly green of plague upon the ground, poisoning the very air, mixing with the smoke of bodies burned alive. In the lower-middle foreground, a bound man’s throat is slit by a robed ghoul, and on the far right a skeleton gropes a woman dressed in fine clothes from behind, and toward the bottom edge a skeletal dog eats the face from a baby. A kingly figure in the robes of office and expensive armor lies dying upon the ground, oblivious to the figure of death propping him up, his own short life dwindling within an hourglass clutched by spidery fingers.

The Christian symbol of the Crucifix stand impotently as the host of the dead march over the land. This speaks clearly of the terror so many useless prayers would have brought. Two figures ring a large bell, announcing the coming of death, possibly even an advance on the viewer’s life. The visceral quality of the victims’ faces (screams, disbelief, and weeping), are direct connections to the emotional centers of the viewer, bypassing the intellectual from the start. Mannerist form is also observed: long-limbed skeletons and twisted corpses exist within irrational spacial relationships, putting the viewer on edge.

The color palette is comprised of browns, burnt reds, deep blacks, infectious yellows, and malignant greens. While incorporating many different hues, the general range of color stays relatively narrow, as Bruegal uses secondary colors in place of the typical Renaissance primaries. The resulting effect is an overall feeling of dread and distaste, once again bringing the viewer’s emotions into play.

It is works such as this that began the movement toward the macabre, filtering down the centuries. It also openly addressed the fears of the people of its time, assisting in the development of self-awareness that society required. Without The Triumph of Death and others like it, art might have shied away from such subjects as death and horror. The Mannerist practice of irrationality vs rationality was instrumental to the breadth of styles and art forms we enjoy today.

I'm still alive, I promise!

Working on a lot of things right now, glad to have too much to do, rather than too little. But I thought I'd drop by and give you all an update on what's going on. First off, this next month's interviewee will also be my second published author! (You can check out the first one here.) Bryce Moore (@bmoorebooks) has agreed to have a few questions thrown at him, which is great, cause he's a really amazing writer. His book Vodnik will be out soon, and I'm excited for all of you to read it. I've already had the pleasure of reading it pre-release, and it's amazing! More on that later though.

On a related note, my monthly Aspiring Writer Interview series will no longer be called such. I will be dropping the "aspiring" bit, because if a person writes, they're a writer. Period. There are good writers and there are bad writers, but that's another issue.

Right now I'm deep in developing plot within the second version of my own book, even as I write. It's kind of counter intuitive, but that's how I roll. I just passed the 52k word mark, which if my expectations are correct, means I'm just now over the halfway point. Woot! I know I have a lot of revision to do, but that's something I've come to terms with. I'm a messy first draft-er.

One last thing, if you haven't already, feel free to follow me on Twitter, as I've become a little more active there lately (@SometimesSword).

Saladin Ahmed's THRONE OF THE CRESCENT MOON.

Saladin Ahmed's first published novel just came out on February 7th of this year, and I have to say that I was very excited for it. Saladin had been featured on the Writing Excuses podcast sometime last year, so I was somewhat familiar with what he hoped to accomplish with this book, and have been following him on Twitter ever since. Quite some time later, I heard that the novel was finally close to coming out, and began looking into it further. I read several pre-release reviews and a synopsis, and found myself eager to dive in. I even somehow managed to mistake the release date for the last day of January, and found myself disappointed once I rushed over to the Apple Bookstore. After waiting a whole week, I was finally able to purchase and download the ebook. Here's what I thought:

My unofficial rating.

This is the sort of book that stands out from a crowd. When you first see the cover, it strikes you with the back of it's hand and tells you to pay attention. The image is thick with color and the clean lines of a comic book, its subjects captured in an explosion of motion, Marvel Comics style. Unconventional clothing and weapon styles instantly tell you that this is no European-style fantasy, something that really excited me. Don't get me wrong, I love the traditional sword and sorcery stuff that's been coming out for decades, but just like eating too much ice-cream, it can sometimes leave you feeling unsatisfied.

Saladin's book smacks of many different cultures, from Egyptian to the classical Arabic turban-and-camel-riding nomadic tribes we see in movies. I'm no expert, and I probably just offended someone there, but Saladin pulls everything together in a truly unique world that I've never seen in Fantasy. He doesn't just dress the traditional S&S in a turban and hand it a scimitar, he works his way up from a solid foundation of unique culture, infusing every aspect of the book with the traditions of his world. The food they eat, the tea they drink, even their curse words and oaths are steeped in their culture. The characters themselves have their very personalities and self-identities shaped by the specific views on religion and family present in this blend of pseudo-Arabic cultures (once again, if I'm using the wrong terms, please forgive me). Also, I want to use the word "culture" one more time. Culture.

Beyond the unusual setting, Saladin brings some other great aspects into play. Unlike many books of the same genre, Throne's main protagonist is a 60 year-old man named Adoulla, a ghul hunter who just wants to retire and get married. (The point of view is shared by several people over the course of the book.) It's pretty amusing to be inside this semi-crusty old man's head as he watches youth wasted on the young, even forgetting the author himself isn't exactly what you would call old. If I had my way, more time would be spent on The Doctor's point of view, he's really a great character.

The story is easily followed, with plot points popping out to say "hi", not trying particularly hard to stay hidden. In my mind, this was a good thing. Most of the events take place in a huge, shining city, forgoing the normal hero-on-a-quest format. The action is short and to the point, with a few gruesome bits thrown in for good measure, which I like. The book features some pretty cool magic, and a seriously bad-ass bad guy. Creepy stuff.

Finally, I have two complaints about this book, and they are small:

First off, it's short. For an adult fantasy novel, it tops out at an unusual 288 pages, leaving me wanting more. Before you get all up in arms, let me clarify: I don't believe that every fantasy needs to be a 240k word behemoth, nor do I think Saladin was lacking in proper story-telling technique. Everything wraps up satisfactorily, and his descriptions are more than adequate. The experience was simply over too soon. I wanted to keep reading, because this unique world and characters felt like they had more to give me. Hopefully there are more books to come.

Next, and this is my only major issue, I felt like two of the younger characters were underdeveloped, not individually, but in relation to each other. SPOILER ALERT! I think it comes as no surprise that there is a "B" story in this book, centered around the budding romance (if it can be called that) between a young zealot and a teenage tribeswoman. By the end of the book, the word "love" is used, and I honestly didn't see the proper build up to it. It almost seemed like they fell in love because they were supposed to. Did it ruin the story? No. Is it the reason I gave the book four stars instead of five? Yes. Combined with the fact that I only give five stars to books that totally blow my mind away (which is hard to do). That being said, four stars is stellar, and I highly, highly recommend this book to anyone looking for a good fantasy adventure. Go buy it here!

Local Writer Interview: Ali Cross

This month's interview is a little different, since Ali is not simply an aspiring writer, but also a self-published one. We met across the Internet machines through Melanie Fowler, another of my interviewees. Ali is very, VERY active in the writing community, and I'm excited to get to know her a little better. As you all know, I like to just jump right in, so here goes!

If it's not too much to ask, how old are you?

LOL, I’m in my 40’s. But I never really aged past 23. I’m eternally youthful. (Ha!)

Are you married? Kids?

Heck yeah! I have a rockin’ husband who’s a computer genius who slashes computer code and cuts hackers off at the knees. My two boys both eleven, are evil geniuses who take after their dad (thank goodness. One of them is a black belt and the other is close on his heels. At our house it’s all awesome, all the time.

Where in our lovely area do you live?

I live in West Jordan, Utah, but I’m not even an American. I’m a Canadian who’s followed her man (who followed a job) to the States and has been trying to get back home every since. (It’s been twenty years. I haven’t been too successful yet, obviously.)

How long ago did you start writing seriously?

I started writing seriously nine years ago. I know the precise date because my family and I were driving into the mountains for a weekend in the autumn leaves. On our way out popped from my mouth: “I want to write a book.” I swear I did not think those words before I said them, but as soon as I did, I knew it was true. My hubby and I chatted about the idea (I’d always wanted to write a story about my favorite Dungeons & Dragons character—hey, don’t laugh) and it wasn’t long before he admitted that he, too, would like to write a book.

We stopped at a Podunk gas station convenient store, happily discovered they stocked the basic materials with which to begin a book (notebooks, pens, index cards and tape!), brainstormed and outlined our books over our long weekend and … the rest is history! (And to follow-up, we both wrote our books, and finished them together, New Year’s Eve 2003!)

What project are you currently working on?

Right at this very second I’m finishing up the first draft of a middle grade fantasy called LAND MAGIC. Meanwhile, another MG fantasy THE SWIFT, is resting between revisions, and DESOLATION (book two of Desolation, my young adult urban fantasy series) is resting before revisions begin. Exciting stuff!

How long have you been working on Land Magic?

LAND MAGIC was conceived a couple years ago, but I didn’t have to work on it at that time. I did a quick and dirty outline and left it alone. I started drafting it during NaNo ’11, but couldn’t finish because of the release of BECOME (the first in the Desolation series). Time to finish this baby up!

Tell us a little about it.

Here’s my working blurb: 


In a world where land magic has fallen into disuse and land comes together and breaks apart like clouds in the sky, one boy must rediscover the ways of the old magic in order to reunite his family and save mankind.

Wow, that sounds kinda lame. I promise it’s a lot more fun and awesome than it sounds. J

What are your goals for it?

I self-published BECOME, and I love, love, loved the experience. I’d like for LAND MAGIC to reach middle grade readers which (I believe) there’s no doubt traditional publishing methods are (so far) better suited for, but . . . I honestly can’t imagine publishing in the traditional sense.

Have you sent out any queries? How many have you gotten responses to?

Oh yeah. I queried BECOME to 103 agents. Twenty-eight agents read the full manuscript. One agent read three full versions of the novel, and still rejected it. Another agent made an offer, but ended up being a flake and left me hanging for four months before I finally got wise and moved on. Crazy, right?

Have you published anything previously?

Nope! BECOME was my maiden voyage!

Do you have any special sales you'd like me to highlight?

YES! Through February 4^th (the day of NiNoCon, woot!) BECOME is on sale at Amazon here and Smashwords here for only $.99!

Anything else you'd like to tell us about works you've previously published/put on sale?

BECOME is an awesome, dark young adult novel—if you’re a Buffy fan, or a Lilith St. Crow fan, or a Melissa Marr fan . . . I think you’d like my book, too!

What is your favorite book or author? Why?

My favorite book(s) belong to THE FIONAVAR TAPESTRY by Guy Gavriel Kay. I’m not a fan of all of his books, but this trilogy is the one that inspired me to write (because I wanted to write something as amazing as those books—to reach people the way these books reached me). THE FIONAVAR TAPESTRY, is rich and beautiful, heartbreaking and fulfilling—it’s everything I think a truly great book should be. And I think it would nowadays fall into “new adult” fantasy, but back when I first read it it was just regular old fantasy. J

What has been the hardest part about writing your current work? About writing in general?

I’m not sure. I haven’t struggled with the craft in the same way that I know other people struggle. For me, the hardest part is believing in myself when no one else does.

What has been the best or most rewarding aspect of writing?

Without a doubt the most rewarding part are all the friendships I have formed through writing and blogging. Who knew that such a solitary art could give me such an amazing sense of belonging?

Do you have any "technical" suggestions for new writers?

A couple tools that have really helped me. Buy the book SAVE THE CAT by Blake Snyder. It’s funny, quick and easy to read. It’s a script-writing guide, but it absolutely relates to writing. I swear you will not regret it. Next to that, get thee a crit group! I think that should be in the writer’s ten commandments.

Do you have any sage advice for new writers?

LOL, no. Just, if you have a dream? Don’t let it stay in dreamland forever. Live your dream—because you CAN.

Is there anything else you'd like to tell our readers?

Come to NiNoCon this Saturday (February 4^th!). It’s a free online writer’s conference taking place at www.ninjaswrite.com. It’ll be fun! There’ll be lots of great info! And PRIZES!!

Give us some links to any blogs, websites, or other online media you run.

You betcha! Thanks for letting me plug, Trevor!

ali cross (blog) www.alicross.com

the writer’s dojo www.ninjaswrite.com

the indelibles (a group of 25 self-or-indie-published authors) http://indeliblewriters.blogspot.com

There you go people, go check out her blog and all the goodies she has for you, and read her book Become dang it!

Aspiring Writer Interview: Alison Ash

Alison was lucky. I asked her to do this a whole week in advance. I'd like to take the time to apologize to my previous interviewees for the stupidly short amount of time I gave them. (But they all rose to the challenge and helped me out, so thanks guys!) I met Ali last year, when I responded to an ad for a writing group looking for members. I was really nervous about talking to anyone about writing at that point (I was still in the "writing closet"), but she was extremely nice and when all was said and done, they accepted me into their group. As some of you may know, I refer to this as my "pretend writing group", because I've only made it to three meetings. Ever. But they are all great people, so they haven't kicked me out yet. Some day, I'll make it I promise! Anyway, Ali is the group leader, and has a book of her own, one that I have had the privilege to read (half way so far, and loving it). She's startlingly hilarious, and somehow manages to hit my funny bone at least once per page. I really hope to see her published someday, so I can say "I liked Alison Ash's stuff before it was cool" or something hipster-y like that. Alright, let's get to the questions.

Alison Ash

How old are you?

I just turned the very unremarkable age of 31.

Are you married? Kids?

Single. Two spunky daughters age 10 and 6. It feels strange having a daughter who is a decade old.

Where do you live? 

Utah, west side!

How long ago did you start writing? 

My first book was written when I was five. It was called The Duck Robbers and I made several copies. It was about a robber who stole baby animals from the forest. Looking back, the villain didn't have a very strong motivation. He just seemed to get his kicks off locking up woodland creatures under his stairs and then disappearing so the parents of those creatures (fully-equipped with opposable thumbs) could unlock the cage and free the babies. After this emancipation, the robber must have died or left for Hollywood because he never came back for a sequel. He also looked suspiciously like the Hamburgler.

Have you published anything? 

Does 40+ rejection letters count? No? Oh.

What are you working on right now? 

I will speak to the novel I finished in early 2011, tentatively titled The Lost Location of Sunday City. I am in the submission stage.

How long have you been working on The Lost Location of Sunday City? 

I began writing the book during a bad bout of the flu in January 2007, but fashioned the idea in my head while driving years earlier in 2002. At the time, someone I cared had been victim of a violent crime and had changed tremendously as a result. As I drove, I remembered how she used to be as a child, very bright and innocent, and probably the most beautiful girl I had seen in real life. After the crime she was changed. Her eyes were hollow, and she spiraled into a ghostly waif of a person. All the spark and life had been sucked out of her. As I passed a ruined building with a missing roof and only window wells left, I imagined her adult self standing on the inside and her child self on the outside. The adult was warning the child about what was to come, so it could be avoided and innocence preserved. I then wondered what I might warn myself about if I could could speak to my child self. I passed that building daily with this image in my head. Eventually I combined the idea with the phrase "Time Trees" (a cast-off from a novel I started but never completed) and dreamed up the idea of a grove of trees that were tied to time. The idea seemed very simple and I thought I could write a quick little book about a boy who warns his past self about misfortunes in the future. I made a primitive outline while high on cold medicine. I wrote diligently for six months and had a nice little first draft of the first act (which was looking less and less like my hasty little outline, but isn't that always the way?) when I decided to rebuild my computer. I won't get into the technical details, but suffice it to say, I thought I had backed up my novel only to find the file had been permanently deleted! To say I was devastated is an understatement. I cried for the first day, went through a deep depression for the following two weeks. I had difficulty eating and sleeping. Neighbors started knocking, asking if someone had died. Eventually I started again, only to have the same thing happen a few months later after a virus hit our server. Luckily I only lost a couple of chapters that time. I was so angry with myself I couldn't bring myself to rewrite those chapters. I decided to start on the second act and go back later when my emotions had settled.

Other strange things started happening surrounding the novel. When I would go to write, something would always prevent me (an illness, emergency, etc). I began to have dark dreams about it. Also, the overall quality of my life was lowering. Several disasters had strained me and my family. One day I realized the bad luck all started after that flu in January when I decided to write the book. I joked with myself that the novel must be cursed. It was at that moment that I realized my main character should be cursed! I rewrote those lost chapters with that element and it ended up dominating the entire novel.

I thought often about those lost efforts and realized something. The rewrite was much better and far stronger than the chapters I had lost. Had I never experienced the pain and depression of losing a combined eight months of work, I would have never come up with the key elements of the plot. The idea of good coming from suffering became the theme of the entire book and the lesson the main character learns.

(Incidentally, my friend who was the victim of the crime did eventually recover and is now a happy, productive adult)

Tell us a little about it.

The novel concerns Gabriel Gussie, who's got himself a Muxy—a family curse that causes terrible things happen on his birthday. Cow pie rain, flukes in gravity, trailer-park terrorizing tornadoes, each year the disasters get worse. The entire community is afraid of him, kids at school avoid him, and his parents are sure that someday they’re going to wake up dead. But when Gabriel starts seeing visions, warning him that his curse will cause the death of his baby brother on Gabriel’s thirteenth birthday, he knows he must find a cure quickly.

A mysterious family friend named Tuck shows up, promising just that. If Gabriel will come with him to Sunday City, a ghost town closed to outsiders for a century, he will find his cure.

But Gabriel is in for a surprise. Upon arrival, he learns that not only does everyone in Sunday City believe that Tuck died thirty years ago, but Gabriel is the heir to his vast hoard of gimcracks—antiques with magical properties. Tuck has plans for Gabriel and his Muxy. As Gabriel’s birthday looms closer, Tuck’s dark secrets reveal a plot to destroy Sunday City from beyond the grave. His weapon of choice: the Muxy.

With the clock running out, Gabriel must dodge possessed deer, thwart greedy gimcrack-grabbers, uncover the history of his Muxy, save his brother’s life, and rescue the city he has come to call home before his birthday curse blows out more than candles.

In The Lost Location of Sunday City you somehow manage to cram a massive amount of humor into every chapter, most of it of the crazy variety. How do you come up with the ideas for all the intensely strange things people say and think?
A lot of the humor are real-life failed jokes put in the correct context and given the right timing. That's the beauty of writing, you have time to decide if you've gone too far. In real life that luxury does not exist, so unfortunately, my friends and family do a lot of head scratching after they are done talking to me. But I am laughing in my mind, so that's what counts!


What are your goals for The Lost Location of Sunday City? 

I grew up with a desire to be traditionally published. However, I have seen a lot of authors gain success in self-publishing. I don't believe we can predict where technology is going to eventually bring books, but I am excited to see that publication is no longer run by "gatekeepers." I have no plans to self publish but that may change.

What is your favorite book or author? Why? 

Dr. Seuss was a prophet. I believe Oh, the Places You'll Go should be government issued to new parents. But I can't rule out Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece which is a perfect allegorical representation of the duality of human nature and how we crave both individualism and coupling. I have a copy on my coffee table and pick it up when I need a good, unanswerable question.

What has been the hardest part about writing your current work? About writing in general? 

Finding time is always a challenge. Especially with children, a full time job and a host of extra hobbies. I often have to take entire weekends and dedicate them to whatever writing task is at hand. 

What has been the best or most rewarding aspect of writing? 

Reading the entire work from start to finish and realizing it makes sense and is actually a book! The first time I did so I reached the last chapter at two-a.m. with surprise. I couldn't believe it was over and wanted it to continue. I wanted to know what would happen next with Gabriel and Ebony and their friends. It was a strange, disconnected moment. Stephen King describes it as "'like reading the work of someone else, a soul-twin perhaps."

Do you have any "technical" suggestions for new writers? 

One thing I hate is the cliche. I really try to avoid the first solution that pops in my head. When I need to brainstorm new ideas I talk into a tape recorder for as long as it takes for the "Eureka!" moment to come. This has helped me puzzle out scenes and integrate threads into later chapters. It gives me an artificial sense of collaboration, as if I am discussing my book with my future self.

Do you have any sage advice for new writers? 

I really believe if we all just keep pounding at it, dedicating at least an hour a day at our books, we will eventually see publication. You never hear of a person who wrote and wrote and kept submitting their whole lives that didn't eventually see publication. We may write a few scrappers first (I wrote two horrible ones in my twenties), but that's just the awkward adolescence of talent that everyone has to go through before they become good at their craft. Just keep swimming!

Well, there you have it! It just goes to show that we can never give up, you and me. So get back to writing!

Aspiring Writer Interview: Leigh Covington

This week's interview is brought to you by Me. And Leigh Covington from right here in Utah. I was pointed toward Leigh's blog by Melanie Fowler (another Aspiring Writer interviewee, click that there link) and I decided to ask her for an interview. She got back to me right away, which I very much appreciated, so thanks for that Leigh! It's referrals like this that help me keep up this feature, so keep them coming!

Leigh Covington

First, some of the boring/invasive questions. How old are you?
*sigh* Can I lie?

Yes.

20’s would be awesome! But alas. I am in my low 30’s.

Are you married? Have any kids you'd like to brag about?
Yep! I am a city girl who married a farmer! He loves being in the middle of nowhere and would be perfectly content there as long as he lives. I, on the other hand, prefer civilization, although I do love to visit remote areas too. I have 3 kids. A boy, Kai (8), girl, Haydyn (5), and girl, Paisley (2). My entire life revolves around them. They are so much fun, but at the same time --- I love bedtime!

Where abouts do you live?
I live in West Point, Utah. It is west of Clearfield of Layton (depending on which you have heard of.) And very near the entrance to Antelope Island, which is fun.

How far back did you start writing?
Oh heavens! I have really been writing my whole life. I get a lot of requests for poems for people or skits for church groups. It is fun. But I was always afraid to go for something more – like being published. However – last August, I finally took the plunge and jumped into the blogging world (for writers) and I am working more fervently on some of my MS’s.

What are you working on right now?
I have put some of my picture books on the back burner for the time so that I can work on my YA fantasy, STAIN. It has been an adventure, and thanks to some fabulous crit partners, as well as blogging buddies – I have learned so much & it is constantly improving.

How long have you been working on it?
Hmmm – is it weird that I don’t know? I think since about September or October. I didn’t make get as much done as I wanted, with my school schedule, but I plan to have the first draft finished by March 31st.

Tell us a little about Stain.
Skye, and her best friend, Logan escape from an Island where they were used as slaves for their country. The King executes them at the age of 17 in order to prevent an army from rising against him. Skye and Logan happen upon The Guardians, where they are told more about why they were enslaved on the Island, along with the other children of Selaesia. From there they must journey to the Oracle to find out if either is the one that will be able to lead The Guardians in a war against the King in order to save the children of Selaesia. What they didn’t realize is that the king can use the stains that mark their arms against them, and he does whatever he can to stop them.

Where do you see yourself going with Stain?
I hope to find an agent and publisher, although I don’t have anything against going Indie. Mostly, I think that through an agent and publisher I can learn a lot and I won’t have to fully rely on ME!

Have you sent out any queries?
If this book ends up being everything I hope it will be then I will start querying this fall. *crosses fingers.*

What is your favorite book or author? Why?
Right now I am on a Brandon Mull kick! I love his MG series, FABLEHAVEN, and I am also enjoying the BEYONDERS series that has just started.

What has been the hardest part about writing Stain? About writing in general?
#1 hardest thing for me – is TIME! When I get the kids to bed, I want to curl up in bed and WORK! However, my husband thinks that his time to watch TV. We try to trade off, but I think I’m going to have to come up with a new plan. #2 thing that I am working on is using “active” voice. That can be tricky, but once again – I have awesome crit partners to help me out.

What has been the best or most rewarding aspect of writing?
Learning, growing and meeting awesome writers in the blogosphere. Honestly – the friendships and support are phenomenal!

Do you have any "technical" suggestions for new writers?
I think writers should attend as many workshops or conferences as possible. You learn so much and meet great people. Also – look into WriteOnCon. I wasn’t sure what to expect from that last year, but it was wonderful and I look forward to it this year. AND… do blog hops! Especially if they are writing related. It’s great to practice and get feedback!

Do you have any sage advice for new writers?
I think it’s important to “NEVER GIVE UP!” Honestly – there are pumps and valleys along the road to publication, so don’t give up. I also think it’s important to keep an open mind and use feedback. I know that I don’t see my book as others will, so I need to take their advice into consideration. It doesn’t mean I need to use it, but I should be open about my writing and not consider myself perfect. (Don’t tell my husband… as far as he knows… I am always right and always perfect.)

Have you published anything?
I did submit my 2 short stories from the Campaign Challengers on Rachel Harrie’s blog. It has been a fun experience to see a few of my things available to the public.

How about some links to any blogs, websites, or other online media you run?
http://leigh-covington.blogspot.com

http://twitter.com/leighcovington

http://facebook.com/leigh.covington

Thanks  for helping me out and giving our readers something to distract themselves from at work! Keep at it, and one day we'll all be published and share snooty drinks at a snooty writer's club or something. That's what Stephen King and Brandon Mull do right?

New Year's resolution? No thanks. But don't go away yet!

I'm one of those anti-resolution snobs. I don't believe in them. Now don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean I can't or don't support those that do. I think it's great to try to better yourself somehow, to make a fresh start. The problem is that I know myself well enough to realize that any sudden decision to change won't last long. Instead, I favor resolutions based around things already in my life. For instance: school starts once more on this coming Monday and I've decided to base a resolution around that, and not just the new year. To explain, I haven't been writing very much lately during the holiday break. Sure I've blogged a bit, even tapped out 1600 words in my book, but those are so small they almost don't count. So with the start of school I face a dilemma. All the free time I've become accustomed to in the last weeks will disappear in a puff smoke, and my reluctance/aversion to forcing myself to write will become even worse. In order to combat that, I'm taking this last week of freedom back from World of Warcraft. My goal is to write everyday this week, as much as I can manage. That way, when I finally start school again, I will already be in the habit of writing. I can't risk losing my drive to write. I have a dream dang it! I can't let it fall by the wayside.

It's my opinion that goals are better realized when tied to something solid, like the beginning of a school semester, rather than a year-spanning blanket promise to yourself. So wish me luck on this next semester, when I plan to finish my rewrite of The Sometimes Sword (60k words of 80k to go).

Me at The Outer Rim (now closed) with
 A Horrible Night to Have a Curse.

I had one more thing to say in this post. It's not directly related to writing, but it's been on my mind a lot. Some of you might not know, but music used to be my "thing", not writing. I was the vocalist in a local deathcore band for about three years. We were called A Horrible Night to Have a Curse (yeah, thats a Castlevania reference), and played shows weekly, sometimes even two or three in a week. We had the opportunity to play some really awesome shows with bands we always dreamed of playing with, and got to know a lot of people. It was a great time in my life, despite the incredible stress that goes along with running a band with four other young dudes. It's now been over two years since we called it quits, and I still miss it. At first it was really difficult to have nothing in my life that I was passionate about, and I even got bitter. All I was left with was my full time job, one that I hated. It was a rough two years at that job, but I eventually got over the painful cravings to perform and write music. Writing has since become my life, and I'm glad for it. If I had stayed involved in the hardcore scene as deeply as I was, I most likely would never have started writing seriously. But every once in a while, those cravings to get on stage and feel the music invade my heart and brain comes back. I know I never will again. Today is one of those hard days. I guess my point is that no matter what change happens in your life, you never know what the outcome will be. Let life happen, and take charge of yourself, despite what may happen to you. Also, don't be afraid to look back fondly, maybe even sadly. Just make sure you stay looking forward the majority of the time.

Short Story: A New Sorceress on the Council

Waldorf ran his be-ringed fingers over the rough gray stubble on his chin. Just a moment ago, it had been a rather magnificent beard, falling in waves to his belt. Scissors had made short work of it, and now he could comfortably run a razor over what remained. His magic could have done the job well enough, but after two hundred years, Waldorf knew better than to try doing anything that close to his face with magic.

Gazing into his scrying orb, the wizard examined his jaw line as the razor glided through the cream on his cheeks. How had he forgotten his weak jaw line? His neck looked like an iguana's. Shaking his head, Waldorf pushed the orb with a stream of golden magic, adjusting its angle of observation to better see what he was doing.

Waldorf could hear his wife moving about the tower beyond the stout wooden door of the washroom he stood in. Here a stair squeaked, there a cupboard opened, then shut. He glanced surreptitiously at the thick iron lock, not knowing exactly why he was nervous. He was only shaving his beard after all... perfectly normal thing to do. The blade nicked a wattle on his skinny neck, and he grimaced. Slapping a handful of greenblane on the tiny cut, he moved the razor onward, working away at the scruff on his upper lip.

Several minutes later, Waldorf looked at the shaven lizard staring back at him in the scrying orb and sighed. Something needed to be done about his hair. This dirty gray just wouldn't do. An idea occurred to him. He glanced around, located his staff, and taking it in hand pushed open the window. A brisk summer breeze blew his long wispy hair about as he thrust his head outward, peering down the long tower wall to the second window down. His wife had a magical crock of dye down there in her sewing room, and it would be just the thing. Muttering some boring words, Waldorf waited a moment before reaching out to grasp the newly arrived stone crock that floated in front of him.

Smoothing his purple robes, he lifted the lid and sniffed the clear liquid inside, recoiling slightly at the scent. Bleh. The staff went back to leaning against the wall, and the crock was set upon the wash basin as Waldorf thought about what color his hair would soon be. Purple was obvious, it matched most of his robes. But would The Council laugh? Most likely. Brown was probably the safest color, it was what he had been born with.

Snipping carefully with the scissors, Waldorf cut his white hair short, hoping that he hadn't missed any strands on the back of his head. Any chunks of uneven hair would be covered by his wizarding hat wouldn't they? Best to not worry about it.

Now the unpleasant task of applying the dye to his head. Surely it would work, even if it was a bit unconventional. After all, his wife colored her new dresses however she liked. Removing the lid with distaste for the smell, Waldorf glanced around, wondering how to best get the magic liquid from the crock to his hair. Was there a ladle? Did he just pour it on? No, that sounded rather sloppy.

In the end, he decided to simply dip his fingers in the watery substance and rub it quickly into his hair, imagining a handsome color of brown all the while. That step was very important, requiring steady, controlled thoughts to get the desired results. Waldorf closed his eyes as he worked, the acrid smell of the dye burning his nose and throat.

Finally he opened them and gazed into the scrying orb. There was still a shaven iguana gazing back him, only this time it had a mop of jet black fluff on its head. Apparently the dye was "Extra Strength" or something. Waldorf peered at the crock dismally. A label saying so would have been nice. Still, this black was better than wild white hair and a massive beard wasn't it? Looking objectively at himself once more, he supposed he did look younger, more... dashing.

Someone cleared their throat and Waldorf jumped and glanced around, startled. His wife Delores stood in the open washroom doorway, her hands planted on her ample hips. Waldorf glanced at the treacherous iron lock, then back to his wife's eyes. Oh my.

“Delores...,” he said weakly, “I didn't know you were about....”

Waldorf's wife stared at him with blue eyes like disapproving ice cubes until he wilted. Shoulders slumped, Waldorf handed her the crock of magic dye as the black faded from his white hair. Several more moments of squinted displeasure, and Waldorf's wife slowly swung the door shut, leaving the wizard once again alone in the washroom.

He knew exactly what she would have said if she hadn't chosen the "cold silence" route: 

"Walforf you old goat! Just what do you think you're doing? You look ridiculous! Is this because of that new young thing on The Council? Well I have news for you, you besotted old fool, no twenty-year old sorceress is going to look twice at the likes of you! Now fix your hair and get to work on that weak chin of yours!"

Waldorf cringed at the thought and ran his be-ringed hand over his smooth chin as he looked in the scrying orb. It looked as if he would be growing an entire beard tonight, and by the look in Delores's eyes, he was to remain here until it was finished.

The two-hundred year-old wizard snatched up his staff as he plopped onto a stool in the corner, and settled in for a very long night.