Falling behind on the steampunk gun.
Hey all. I know some of you expressed interest in the steampunk gun I was building. It's been a couple of days since I said I would finish up and post the rest of the process. I'm sorry! I haven't been able to do much with it since then, besides pressing the two sides together. I haven't even screwed it back up. Rest assured I will finish it and get the post up. Make sure to check back in for the results!
Trying to manage time.
I think I may be overestimating how much time I have in a day. That, or I'm foolishly hoping I'll gain some hither-to-undiscovered sense of self control. Right now, I'm engaged in the following: a part time job, part time novel writing, playing Minecraft with my buddy, and now I've also re-subscribed to World of Warcraft (eep). Plus, I've just started watching Downton Abbey season 2, started working on puzzles with Becky, begun reading Double Dead: Bad Blood by Chuck Wendig, and tried out the whole steampunk cosplay accessory thing (which you can read about here).
I've never been very good at managing my time and prioritizing. I usually end up playing World of Warcraft for hours because it's easy on the brain, which makes me depressed because I'm ignoring my writing, which then leads to more World of Warcraft (it's sort of like chocolate cake).
But not this time! I've set up parental controls (yes, you read that right) on World of Warcraft, essentially banning myself from playing during my writing hours. Becky has the secret password, which I hope she keeps, well... secret. If I can just keep each activity within its normal hours I should be fine, though it feels like trying to police the border between North and South Korea. Sometimes I just gotta say, "Look Minecraft, you had your 45 minutes, now its Downton Abbey's turn. No, stop crying! Ack! World of Warcraft, put that down before you break it!"
Anyway, I realize that having so many enjoyable hobbies (and an enjoyable future career in writing *crosses fingers*) is probably one of the best problems a person can have, so I won't complain except to say I wish I was born with a bigger and more responsible brain.
So that's what I'm up to right now. What are your vices?
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| Ah, Minecraft, you are the Legos for my adult heart. |
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| Curse you World of Warcraft! |
Anyway, I realize that having so many enjoyable hobbies (and an enjoyable future career in writing *crosses fingers*) is probably one of the best problems a person can have, so I won't complain except to say I wish I was born with a bigger and more responsible brain.
So that's what I'm up to right now. What are your vices?
Turning a Nerf Maverick NEV-6 hand gun into a proper steampunk weapon.
Let me just preface this post with a statement of fact: I am a geek, but I never, ever dress up. Sure, I just bought a scale model of the Enterprise D from Star Trek, I have multiple Iron Man figurines on my desk, not to mention rows and rows of fantasy books lining the shelves. But my geekiness simply does not extend to the donning of costumes, fantasy, steampunk, or otherwise. Not that there's anything wrong with doing so, I simply don't choose to participate.
That being said, I have officially entered the world of costume accessories. What exactly are costume accessories? I'll explain. When your average geek wants to dress up as their favorite character or style, second-hand clothes from the local thrift outlet and some pins will only go so far. There needs to be an extra pop, something that really sells the costume. Most of the time this comes in the form of accessories, or doodads. For instance, a gangly teenager in a brown robe is just a sad, sad person, but, as soon as you add that homemade lightsaber hilt at his utility belt, he becomes something more, a Jedi Knight, guardian of the galaxy. A girl in a corset and top hat is just a goth, until you add the brass and leather goggles. Then she transforms into a swashbuckling steampunk princess.
That being said, I have officially entered the world of costume accessories. What exactly are costume accessories? I'll explain. When your average geek wants to dress up as their favorite character or style, second-hand clothes from the local thrift outlet and some pins will only go so far. There needs to be an extra pop, something that really sells the costume. Most of the time this comes in the form of accessories, or doodads. For instance, a gangly teenager in a brown robe is just a sad, sad person, but, as soon as you add that homemade lightsaber hilt at his utility belt, he becomes something more, a Jedi Knight, guardian of the galaxy. A girl in a corset and top hat is just a goth, until you add the brass and leather goggles. Then she transforms into a swashbuckling steampunk princess.
The Dark Knight Rises Tragedy
I don't even know what to say. I don't know what to feel. My thoughts and emotions over this are so confused and strange. How can such a thing happen? How can we even find the proper reaction? I'm not sure why this particular shooting has affected me so so much. Previous shootings have been horrible, and of course I've been saddened. But there's something about this particular instance that digs at me.
I didn't hear about it until this morning while browsing Facebook over a bowl of cereal. The first thing I saw was a story from Superherohype.com reporting that Warner Bros. and President Obama had issued statements regarding a shooting that had taken the lives of 12 people during a nighttime screening of The Dark Knight Rises. I followed the link, and felt my stomach drop out.
I won't pretend that I have some connection to these people. I have none. Yet, for the first time in my life, I found myself genuinely heartbroken over a news story. Even 9/11 didn't give me such a visceral reaction. (To clarify, I was very young when the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center took place, and it took some time for the enormity of that event to sink in. I am not downplaying the events of 9/11 one bit.)
I wonder now, a few hours later, if my sudden feelings perhaps have something to do with the venue the shootings took place in. It's strange and terrible that a man would choose such a setting to commit such atrocities. Batman has always been a symbol of unappreciated justice, a dark figure unflaggingly fighting the masked and shadowed evil that lurks in humanity. I have not seen the film as of yet, but I know some of the characters involved are playing the part of terrorists, violent and guilt-free men who destroy lives with abandon. What was it that pulled the man responsible for the shootings to such a place? Was it the convenience of the people massed in one place? Or was it somehow connected to the film that was playing behind him?
I don't mean to suggest that the film inspired or informed the attacker in anyway. This is not my intention in the slightest. A man is responsible for his actions, and passing blame onto the film in any way would be an insult to the victims of his attack.
I suppose the feeling I'm trying to express is the sudden humanization of Batman and everything he stands for. It was an attack on me and what I believe. It was an attack on all the people of the world who care for a character who promotes such good in the face of adversity. For just a few moments while reading that first news story, I felt like I had fallen into the world Batman inhabits, a character reading the Gotham City Newspaper. My heart wanted to cry out for something to be done, for Batman to save these people. Why hadn't he been there? Why couldn't they have been protected? Unfortunately, a fictional character, no matter how beloved or symbolic, is powerless against the very real abomination that reared its head last night.
Batman remained trapped behind the screen, and I felt his desperation. I don't mean this is a literal sense. I know reality from fiction, but fiction is also what defines us. Batman and other superheroes alike reveal us, our flaws, our triumphs, our struggles, and our desires. We tell the stories of Batman because they give shape to our need for justice in a world we can't control. We need to see something good amid all the darkness.
Batman lost a fight last night. We lost a fight last night. For a short time, we were defeated, not by a character in makeup or with a silly name, but by a person, a human being with motivations most of us will never, ever fathom. There were no fists, no capes, and no grand symbols of the human struggle. This was not a Superman comic, this was a Batman story. And by that, I mean it was our story.
My heart goes out to the victims and their families. My thoughts are on the many men and women and children who witnessed this horror. Please, know that the world loves you.
I didn't hear about it until this morning while browsing Facebook over a bowl of cereal. The first thing I saw was a story from Superherohype.com reporting that Warner Bros. and President Obama had issued statements regarding a shooting that had taken the lives of 12 people during a nighttime screening of The Dark Knight Rises. I followed the link, and felt my stomach drop out.
I won't pretend that I have some connection to these people. I have none. Yet, for the first time in my life, I found myself genuinely heartbroken over a news story. Even 9/11 didn't give me such a visceral reaction. (To clarify, I was very young when the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center took place, and it took some time for the enormity of that event to sink in. I am not downplaying the events of 9/11 one bit.)
I wonder now, a few hours later, if my sudden feelings perhaps have something to do with the venue the shootings took place in. It's strange and terrible that a man would choose such a setting to commit such atrocities. Batman has always been a symbol of unappreciated justice, a dark figure unflaggingly fighting the masked and shadowed evil that lurks in humanity. I have not seen the film as of yet, but I know some of the characters involved are playing the part of terrorists, violent and guilt-free men who destroy lives with abandon. What was it that pulled the man responsible for the shootings to such a place? Was it the convenience of the people massed in one place? Or was it somehow connected to the film that was playing behind him?
I don't mean to suggest that the film inspired or informed the attacker in anyway. This is not my intention in the slightest. A man is responsible for his actions, and passing blame onto the film in any way would be an insult to the victims of his attack.
I suppose the feeling I'm trying to express is the sudden humanization of Batman and everything he stands for. It was an attack on me and what I believe. It was an attack on all the people of the world who care for a character who promotes such good in the face of adversity. For just a few moments while reading that first news story, I felt like I had fallen into the world Batman inhabits, a character reading the Gotham City Newspaper. My heart wanted to cry out for something to be done, for Batman to save these people. Why hadn't he been there? Why couldn't they have been protected? Unfortunately, a fictional character, no matter how beloved or symbolic, is powerless against the very real abomination that reared its head last night.
Batman remained trapped behind the screen, and I felt his desperation. I don't mean this is a literal sense. I know reality from fiction, but fiction is also what defines us. Batman and other superheroes alike reveal us, our flaws, our triumphs, our struggles, and our desires. We tell the stories of Batman because they give shape to our need for justice in a world we can't control. We need to see something good amid all the darkness.
Batman lost a fight last night. We lost a fight last night. For a short time, we were defeated, not by a character in makeup or with a silly name, but by a person, a human being with motivations most of us will never, ever fathom. There were no fists, no capes, and no grand symbols of the human struggle. This was not a Superman comic, this was a Batman story. And by that, I mean it was our story.
My heart goes out to the victims and their families. My thoughts are on the many men and women and children who witnessed this horror. Please, know that the world loves you.
The end of yet another book.
It seems almost... mundane news to be finishing another book. I've been at this whole writing thing for years now, and it seems like just another day. Almost. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some writing veteran, but when you do something for so long, it starts to become the norm.
On the other hand, five years ago I never thought I'd write one novel, let alone multiple books. All things being equal, I'm pretty excited.
Only Gingers Can Be Witches was completed last week, and is ready to take its long nap while I begin editing The Sometimes Sword. It's been a weird ride, I can tell you that. I've experienced some of the highest highs and the lowest lows while writing this book, and I'm glad to see it's finally paid off. I've dropped it off to multiple beta readers, and I hope they enjoy, and don't rip me to shreds. *Chuckles nervously* Hopefully I'll be able to make it back to the book by this Fall, and then querying by Winter.
So now I embark on the strange and frustrating journey of editing, a journey I don't yet have much experience in. Wish me luck!
On the other hand, five years ago I never thought I'd write one novel, let alone multiple books. All things being equal, I'm pretty excited.
Only Gingers Can Be Witches was completed last week, and is ready to take its long nap while I begin editing The Sometimes Sword. It's been a weird ride, I can tell you that. I've experienced some of the highest highs and the lowest lows while writing this book, and I'm glad to see it's finally paid off. I've dropped it off to multiple beta readers, and I hope they enjoy, and don't rip me to shreds. *Chuckles nervously* Hopefully I'll be able to make it back to the book by this Fall, and then querying by Winter.
So now I embark on the strange and frustrating journey of editing, a journey I don't yet have much experience in. Wish me luck!
Diversity, show-don't-tell, and a query tip.
Oh wow, okay. It's been a very long time since I posted anything, but that doesn't mean I haven't been up to a lot. I've just passed the 50k mark on my current book titled Only Gingers Can Be Witches. I'm coming up on the official start of editing The Sometimes Sword version 2.0 (which some of you will remember I finished about two months ago). I'm now sitting on 4 novel-length works in my (admittedly short) writing career, which is a little mind-boggling to me. Hopefully I will be ready to begin querying The Sometimes Sword by the end of this Fall.
The Salem Witch Trials.
No, this is not going to be some intelligent study of the events that took place way back when. (See right there? I don't even know the dates.) I just find the whole thing really interesting, so I thought I'd talk about it a little bit. Over the last week I've been writing a new book while I let The Sometimes Sword rest, and it includes a young witch character. So I thought, hey, I'll do some research on witches and witchcraft, just for kicks you know? I even went to the library with Becky. Let me tell you, I never thought I would find myself looking up witchcraft in a public place using the Dewey Decimal System. But you live and learn right?
Anyway, I found some great books, some a little more.... technically informative than I preferred (let me just stress, I am NOT a witch, you people with torches and pitch forks), but overall there was some good stuff. A lot of the books focused on presenting thoughts and evidence on two sides of the whole witchcraft issue; for, or against. I'll just say this: the Christian pastor who tried to represent Harry Potter as evil in his arguments came off looking quite a bit worse than the self proclaimed Wicca did in her arguments. But that's beside the point.
Anyway, I found some great books, some a little more.... technically informative than I preferred (let me just stress, I am NOT a witch, you people with torches and pitch forks), but overall there was some good stuff. A lot of the books focused on presenting thoughts and evidence on two sides of the whole witchcraft issue; for, or against. I'll just say this: the Christian pastor who tried to represent Harry Potter as evil in his arguments came off looking quite a bit worse than the self proclaimed Wicca did in her arguments. But that's beside the point.
A quick update.
I've been really busy lately, which is a good thing. Sometimes I think back to two years ago when I worked full time and didn't go to college; and I wonder what I did with my time. True, that job was incredibly stressful and I usually worked over time (almost 60 hours a week around the holidays), but other than that, I didn't have much else to do. I'll admit to spending hours and hours playing World of Warcraft, mostly just to unwind after work.
Now however, I work a (relatively) low stress part time job (if my boss can keep the company afloat that is), attend school part time, and write. It's a pretty nice set up, and I know I'm lucky to have it. I was able to finish my rewrite of The Sometimes Sword just a couple of weeks ago, and it's currently in the hands of my beta readers. In a month or so I'll be starting up my web comic Kestrel with my brother Travis, and as of this last Monday, I've officially started my fourth novel. My brain is swimming in fiction and it's awesome!
It seems as time goes on I find myself wanting to write for younger and younger audiences. And I'm cool with that. I know it won't always be that way (I like to write violence and dark stuff too much to never return to adult fiction), but for now it's what's floating my boat. Here's how it goes: my first book ever was written for adults; the second, for the older end of YA; the third (which was a rewrite of the second) lowered that age by two years; and now I have this new book, written most likely for kids ages ten and up. Perhaps I'm just regressing, losing some of my ability to write mature material. Who knows.
Anyway, it's my first attempt at a diverse fantasy, and I'm really excited about it. It's about a young girl living in a smallish town in late 1996 (heck yeah, I'm way excited for a period piece). One day, another girl moves in down the street, and she just so happens to be a real, self taught witch, complete with pointed hat and striped stockings. They get into shenanigans and a mystery unfolds. Should be fun.
So that's what I'm doing so far! What about you?
Now however, I work a (relatively) low stress part time job (if my boss can keep the company afloat that is), attend school part time, and write. It's a pretty nice set up, and I know I'm lucky to have it. I was able to finish my rewrite of The Sometimes Sword just a couple of weeks ago, and it's currently in the hands of my beta readers. In a month or so I'll be starting up my web comic Kestrel with my brother Travis, and as of this last Monday, I've officially started my fourth novel. My brain is swimming in fiction and it's awesome!
It seems as time goes on I find myself wanting to write for younger and younger audiences. And I'm cool with that. I know it won't always be that way (I like to write violence and dark stuff too much to never return to adult fiction), but for now it's what's floating my boat. Here's how it goes: my first book ever was written for adults; the second, for the older end of YA; the third (which was a rewrite of the second) lowered that age by two years; and now I have this new book, written most likely for kids ages ten and up. Perhaps I'm just regressing, losing some of my ability to write mature material. Who knows.
Anyway, it's my first attempt at a diverse fantasy, and I'm really excited about it. It's about a young girl living in a smallish town in late 1996 (heck yeah, I'm way excited for a period piece). One day, another girl moves in down the street, and she just so happens to be a real, self taught witch, complete with pointed hat and striped stockings. They get into shenanigans and a mystery unfolds. Should be fun.
So that's what I'm doing so far! What about you?
T-shirt contest results announced!
Alrighty! It's Monday, which means it's free t-shirt time! This month's interview with Isaac Stewart was a huge success, with well over a thousand of you showing up on the first day alone to read the great stuff he had to say. Over one hundred people entered the contest by commenting, at which point Ink Wing Arts decided to add another shirt to the mix. Thank you everyone for entering and supporting Isaac, Ink Wing Arts, and myself.
okay, on to the good stuff. I drew two names, both of which ended up not having any contact info, which was too bad. After drawing again, the same thing came up. Unfortunately "Unknown" with no email, Twitter handle, or Facebook was not a valid entry! (Believe me, I tried to do everything I could to track down their info.) Ah, but such is life. So after a third try, success! Our two winners are:
Sean Jackson
Gandy93
Congrats guys, I'll be sending you an email here soon to give you further instructions!
Well, thanks to everyone else who entered; don't be too sad about not winning, I'll be hosting monthly giveaways from here on out, so make sure to add me and stop by to say hi! If you still want a shirt, stop by InkWing.com and check out their great deals.
Interview with Isaac Stewart, the man behind the maps of Mistborn and The Way of Kings! Also, a free t-shirt contest! Yay!
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| "Save the puppies." |
WANT TO WIN A FREE T-SHIRT?
The other big thing is this: by coming to my blog and checking out this super-sweet interview, you have taken the first steps toward the possibility, nay, the opportunity to win a free t-shirt of your choice from InkWing.com, the merch site for everything Brandon Sanderson (which is run by, guess who, Isaac Stewart). How does one win such a prize, you ask? By leaving a comment of course! Each unique visitor's comment will be assigned a number, which will then be pulled from a hat (you'll have to trust me that I'm actually using a hat, and not a coffee can or something). Please make sure you leave a way for me to contact you if you are the winner! (That's important.) Multiple comments by the same person will be considered as only ONE submission. The contest will close on April 15th, 2012, and the winner will be announced on this blog on April 16th, 2012.
UPDATE: Due to the volume of awesome people commenting (like you!), Ink Wing Arts would like to throw a second shirt into the contest! Meaning you no longer have to sharpen your swords to fight for just one shirt, but two! (Still only one shirt per winner; your chances simply went up.) Keep em coming!
UPDATE UPDATE: The contest has officially closed. Winners have been announced, check out the latest post for more info! Thanks everyone for your support!
Celebrating Diversity, Not Killing It.
I've been thinking about a lot of things related to our society lately, to the point where my brain has officially overflowed. I suppose I'll begin emptying it slowly by writing about it. I don't even know how this particular post is going to end up. We'll see, but be warned, this will be a true, flat-out ramble, so here goes.
I've been increasingly concerned with the state of our world in the last couple of years, and I don't know what to do about it. It seems like humanity is going to doom itself no matter what the few try to do. Violence, war, hate, disdain, anger, prejudice, and bigotry run rampant everywhere I look. What is it about being human that makes this okay? How has the world not stopped and said, "Hey, whoa. What's going on here? This isn't how things should be, let's fix this!"? Sure, over time there have been tons of individuals that say exactly this, such as Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., John Lennon, and others. (Note: they were all murdered.) Why is it only the people who truly care about what is right are labeled as "outspoken"? Shouldn't the violent ones, the hateful people of the world be the "outspoken" ones? What's wrong with us?
I've been increasingly concerned with the state of our world in the last couple of years, and I don't know what to do about it. It seems like humanity is going to doom itself no matter what the few try to do. Violence, war, hate, disdain, anger, prejudice, and bigotry run rampant everywhere I look. What is it about being human that makes this okay? How has the world not stopped and said, "Hey, whoa. What's going on here? This isn't how things should be, let's fix this!"? Sure, over time there have been tons of individuals that say exactly this, such as Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., John Lennon, and others. (Note: they were all murdered.) Why is it only the people who truly care about what is right are labeled as "outspoken"? Shouldn't the violent ones, the hateful people of the world be the "outspoken" ones? What's wrong with us?
My review of Chuck Wendig's DOUBLE DEAD. Goretastic. Goregasmic? Go to church to Goreship?
by Chuck Wendig
5 out of 5 stars. Imagine them.
First off, I'm gonna tell you all that Double Dead is not for the faint of heart. If you suffer from a severely overactive gag reflex, heart murmurs, are a nun, or you're just straight up noodle-necked (not a real thing), stay well back. If you don't fall into those categories, pick up the dang book. I give Double Dead 5 solid stars, and it deserves it.
Published Author Interview with Bryce Moore, the man behind VODNIK, available March 28th through Tu Books!
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| Out March 28th 2012! |
Alright, I know March's Writer Interview is really late, but I have a good reason, I promise! Just give me a moment to explain! Last year I had the opportunity to meet Bryce Moore at Conduit 2011 (where I also met Peter Orullian, another author interviewee of mine who you can read up on here). We chatted a bit about his book Vodnik, which (I believe) he had contracted recently. A year later, it's finally coming out! Last month I contacted Bryce about doing an interview to help publicize Vodnik to some of my readers, and he agreed, 'cause he's a cool guy like that. He provided me with the ARC (Advanced Reader's Copy) so I could familiarize myself with it, which I did enthusiastically. You can read my review here. We decided to hold off on releasing the interview itself until Vodnik was closer to being available, in order to help with the initial sales effort. You all know how important the first few weeks of a book's release are, right? Right? 'Cause a book's first month is huge in determining the continued support of marketing dollars, and plays a large roll in how many retailers want to stock it.
Anyway, Vodnik is great; probably my favorite book of this last year. It's different than most others I've read, and totally refreshing. But I'll let you read my full review yourselves. Make sure to check out the link Bryce provided at the bottom of the interview, where you can purchase the Kindle version right now (in case you didn't know, most smartphones, definitely the iPhone, have Kindle apps. FYI). The hardcover of Vodnik will be officially released on March 28th. So pick it up; it's totally worth it.
A review of Bryce Moore's VODNIK. In short? Excellent.
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| My unofficial rating. |
VODNIK
Every once in a while, I read a book that ends up being the equivalent to a tall, icy glass of water. Or better yet, Sprite. Just refreshing. I can think of several in my own reading experience (just to name a few): Harry Potter, Fablehaven, and most recently, Vodnik by Bryce Moore. Now don't mistake me, I'm not comparing these books to each other, or even grouping them up under some category, I'm simply saying they all gave me the same sense of excitement; the feeling that I was reading something new. With Harry Potter I was blown away in part because it was one of the first true Urban Fantasies I had read (not to mention a million other things, love that series). Fablehaven was bursting with simple imagination and adventure, something I really needed at the time I read it. Vodnik smacked me in my face and showed me that true wit, sarcasm, earnest story-telling, multi-layered plotting, grit, and fairy tales can all inhabit the same book.
Partial review of THE MUPPETS, focused on one specific area.
The Muppets seemed to be the perfect candidate with which to
study narrative structure. After all, a beloved children’s
franchise famous for also entertaining adults was more than likely to
contain a Hollywood-style composition. It didn’t fail to deliver.
It has most of what makes a good screenplay: conflict, clarity of
plot, and a storybook climax. However, it lacks one very important
thing, split into three subcategories: resolution against a
believable, scary antagonist with clear motivations. This missing
piece was its undoing, destroying the rest of the film and
trivializing the conflict.
The story of The Muppets begins with a lighthearted montage
highlighting the relationship between two brothers: one a puppet
character named Walter who dreams of becoming a Muppet someday, the
other a human named Gary played by Jason Segel. It establishes their
appreciation of each other, and sets up one of the main conflicts:
Walter’s growing dissatisfaction with his differences. Over the
next few chunks of movie, we learn that they are setting out on a
trip to visit Los Angeles for Gary and his girlfriend Mary’s
ten-year anniversary, Walter in tow. The young puppet is thrilled to
have the chance to visit the Muppet Studios where all the episodes of
The Muppet Show were recorded decades ago.
Unfortunately, when they arrive they find the studio shut down,
derelict, covered in dust, and strung with spiderwebs. Only a single,
disgruntled tour guide remains, who takes them unenthusiastically to
Kermit the Frog’s former office. We learn that the Muppets have
been out of style for years, and after drifting apart, they were
forgotten.
Walter wanders off and happens to overhear a convenient conversation
between three suited figures, one of which is Tex Richman. He and his
cronies discuss a plan to take over the Muppet Studios due to a small
article within the “standard Rich and Famous” contract Kermit
signed years ago. It states that Tex Richman has the rights to the
property by a certain date, if the Muppets are unable to come up with
ten million dollars. This is the point where we learn that Tex is the
“bad guy”. Walter learns of the dastardly villain’s plot to
level the studios and drill for oil (which is strange, considering
the studios are located in the middle of the city…). Walter, of
course, then sets out on a journey to reunite the Muppets so they can
put on one last show, raise the money, and buy their studio back.
This seems like a relatively reasonable set up for the film that
follows, seeing as most audiences would be accepting of such a simple
plot. However, Tex Richman fails to live up to the image the film
makers want him to have. He is never scary, seldom intimidating, and
last of all, he has no reason to be doing what he is doing.
For a short time after the character is first introduced, Tex appears
to be nice, pretending to be converting the Muppet Studios into a
Muppet museum. Walter soon finds the real reason for the takeover by
listening in secretly, at which point Tex tells his henchmen to
perform a “maniacal laugh”. They do so, to the audience’s
confusion. Much later in the movie, we discover that the reason for
this is because of Tex Richman’s own inability to laugh, maniacally
or otherwise. It’s an interesting quirk to give a villain, but the
late reveal defeats the effectiveness, essentially robbing the
audience of something to identify the antagonist with for the
majority of the movie.
The only real encounter the Muppets have face to face with Tex is
well before the climax, in the billionaire’s office, where a
ridiculously embarrassing hip hop number takes place featuring the
villain himself, rapping about how he does anything and everything he
wants, because he is rich. Kermit sits bemused, while the audience
covers their faces in shame. Any smidgen of intimidation previously
present is very suddenly gone.
Even the climax of the film is lackluster (though it does have one of
the only instances of much appreciated nostalgia). Tex attempts to
shut down the power to the studio while the Muppets are filming a
telethon meant to save them and raise ten million dollars. He rams
his car into a power pole, severs a main power line, and eventually
tries to cut live wires on top of the building with nothing but bolt
cutters (never mind how deadly it would be if he succeeded). Through
all of this, there is no contact with the heroes of the story.
Eventually one of his own “turned-leaf” henchmen takes the bolt
cutters from him, and essentially knocks him out by accident. The
entire sequence only serves to make Tex look childish, incompetent,
and utterly un-threatening.
One of the main downfalls of the entire plot was the lack of
motivation Tex Richman had for doing what he does. By openly
acknowledging the fact that even the film makers don’t know why he
is such a bad guy, the audience is given nothing with which to
reconcile the events taking place. We are told that Tex is bad
because that is his nature, which only works for faceless Evil
Overlords in their towers, not men in business suits. To essentially
tell the audience, “Laugh with us, ‘cause Tex being a bad
dude just ‘because’ is a joke,” doesn’t work.
Mainly because it has been done before (and better) in The Great
Muppet Caper, when Kermit asks Steve Martin’s character, “Why
are you doing this?” to which the villain replies charmingly,
“Because I’m a villain!”.
Also, the city of Los Angeles would definitely not allow oil
drilling efforts to take place directly on top of the oil deposit.
The red tape, zoning issues, and most of all, the local public’s
involvement in the inevitable protests would be impossible to
surmount. At very least, Tex would have to introduce an angled system
to allow a long drill and line to access the oil from outside city
limits, thus leaving the Muppet Studio untouched. This would be his
only option, and hardly feasible. Thus the entire conflict of
the story is fundamentally flawed in a large, very noticeable way.
All of the above aside, the conflict fails to resolve properly. Tex
is not defeated or even shown up by the Muppets and friends (they
fail to get the ten million dollars by the time limit). There are
several resolutions across the board, from Walter’s inclusion into
the ranks of the Muppets, Kermit’s reconcile with Miss Piggy,
Gary’s proposal to Mary, to the resurgence of the Muppet’s
relevance in modern media. However, they do nothing to overcome Tex’s
“evil”, there is no comeuppance, and there is no resolution to
his involvement. Almost as an afterthought, the film maker’s have
Gonzo hit the (somehow) defeated villain with a bowling ball on
accident, loosening a laugh from him for the first time, after which
Tex decides to give the Muppets back their studio. It’s shoddy
writing, and a huge let down, trivializing the efforts of all the
characters involved.
Many people might say that all of these facts are pointless when
applied to a kid’s movie. That a movie like The Muppets isn’t
intended to wrap one’s mind in layers of mystery and plot. It’s
meant to enjoyed, simply and quickly. Well, it came close to
accomplishing that goal. But since the Muppets are famous for
entertaining all age groups with different levels of humor and
quality writing, it’s an excuse that doesn’t hold up. With just a
little tweaking of the antagonist in three key areas, it could have
ended as a much better film. Hopefully future Muppet movies take a
cue from their older predecessors and focus on a good story first,
and gimmicky characters last.
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